Leon 'dropped,' Quigg 'to drop'

I am so up on music lingo. This post's headline makes this clear.

The X Factor winner Leon Jackson has been 'dropped' by his record label. This means they won't let him make more albums or get paid. He was Scottish and very miserable and couldn't wail pleasantly. He could mumble and cry though. He had terrible, Pete Doherty hair. There will be no picture of him posted.

But to replace this bad singer void suddenly made in our lives, the Eunuch Quigg has an album 'about to drop.' This means a CD will be available in all the best shops. Before I give details, let's all look the cover art.

Phwoar. What a fittie. If the CD is as lavishly produced as its cover art, I'll buy more than 1 copy.
The album includes a single called '28,000 friends.' It's about a girl with lots of online friends. I can relate.

The album also includes that Take That song he did on the show, that Busted song that he had to change the racy lyrics of, his favouritest song by his favouritest band Abba, that High School Musical song about the Wildcats where he danced and that song that made me believe Eoghan had once loved a pet rat and wasn't just acting all cute. Now it's us, now it's we and so on.

So half the album we've already heard him sing on The X Factor. It will be a trip down memory lane.

Do you remember that week Eoghan was annoying?
Do you remember that week Eoghan was a bit shit?

Lovely memories.

American Idol

I'm not going to do full recaps because I have to work on my novel and make it 'unputdownable.' At the moment it is painfully putdownable. I want however to share one conclusive thought about American Idol....

It's very much like the X Factor.

Please read below for why:





It has a lovable (read: so dumb it's not even cute, read: no one loves him) judge.

It has a ballsy (read: annoying, read: gobby) new girl judge.

It has a man of the people (read: patronising, read: fake) host.

It has a glamorous (read: orange, read: more with the dancing than the singing) ex pop star judge.

It has a Simon Cowell (read: always right, read: really likes Hallelujah) judge.



(See them pictured below L-R)

It has a man with a dead wife contestant. Only he sings better than Deadwife.

It has a girl who is fat contestant. Only she sings better than The Fat Girl. And is pretty.

It has teens with no sex parts to scare the children contestants. Only they all sing better than the Eunuch Quigg.

It has girls who are quirky contestants. They all sing better and are no less quirky than Diana 'wankcramp' Vickers.

It has a woman with children and a hard life contestant. Logically, she couldn't sing any worse than Rachel. (And there's been no gun crime hand gestures. So 2-0!)

It has girls we'll just have to trust the producers that they're are actually girls contestants. Surprisingly, they sing less well than Alexandra.

It has girls who can sing in Spanish contestants. They sing just as well as Beautiful, Spanish Ruth so far. But they are neither as beautiful nor as Spanish as she. How could they be? Lorenzo, Lorenzo. I miss you. Come back to the spotlight.